Golf Tourney Memories

The Pasadena Rugby Golf Tournament (aka, the Junior Espinoza Memorial Golf Tournament) is a great time to relax, have your father harassed and watch friends beat the hell out of each other. Good times…good times.

One of my earliest recollections of the Golf tournament, was how every time Chris sent out information, he spelled it The Gold Tournament. I was shocked to find out there would be no gold involved.

Another great memory was watching our 6’5” man-child lock down a full beer in one gulp, then pass out in my lap cause, “my throat closed up and I couldn’t breathe.” I think that was the same day High Pitched Rich took a golf club and hit his friend in the back of the leg as hard as he could. The bruise was there for at least 3 months.

Much like our games, sometimes the after party is the only memorable…memory. One year there was a bomb scare at the restaurant. At least my father and I were smart enough to take our plates of food with us as the police evacuated us. My father-in-law opted to not, and he still brings it up to this day.

However, I have my TOP THREE “Golf Tourney Memories” and they all involve my dad.

#3: SHE is H.O.T: Driving in to the golf course, there is long driveway. We could see people putting signs up on the tee boxes. The tee box closest to the where my father and I were parking, someone was putting up a sign, see us and yells, “Hello Tanner’s.” My dad looks, see this person wearing overalls and sporting two-braided ponytails, yells back, “good morning!” My dad turns to me and says, “I don’t believe I know that girls.” My response was, “Dad, that is Mark Frazier.”

#2: Nice to meet you too: It is always a mistake to talk to people after the 10th hold. Not only have they been drinking for the first 9 holes, but also they had a chance to reload before starting 10 through 18. If memory serves, somewhere around the 16th hole I wanted to introduce my father to an ex-player and his wife. They are staples at the golf tourney. His wife regularly wins the women’s bracket and has come close to winning the whole shebang a few times as well. She can also out drink every current player…hands down. As she is walking towards me;

Me: “Meg, come here.”
Meg: “OK”
Me: “I wanted to introduce you to someone.”
Meg: “Suck MY dick!”
Mr. Tanner: “Hello, I’m Jim Tanner. I don’t believe I caught your name?”
Meg: “ummmm, its Meg.”
Mr. Tanner: “Nice to meet you…I think I interrupted you. Did you finish your conversation with my son.”
Meg: “Yes I did.”
Mr. Tanner: “OK, see you after the round.”
Me: “hahahahahaha.”

p.s., oddly, my dad continues to ask, “will Meg be there” if he is going to any rugby function.

And my #1 Golf Memory Story: OLD MAN TANNER: My father has a great sense of humor. We are very similar, with the exception that he does not employ sarcasm or swear very often, but in general we both like fart jokes, seeing people fall down and the Family Guy. Sitting in the bar of the golf course, we were all sitting and waiting for food to be served. Since Rooney doesn’t golf, he had been at the bar for a few more minutes that my father and I.

You know those Dos Equis, Most Interesting Man in the World commercials? Pretty much modeled after my father…so of course Rooney gravitates to him. However, every time Rooney address my father, he shouts, OLD MAN TANNER!

Rooney: OLD MAN TANNER, what was Aaron like as a kid?
Mr. Tanner: Oh, you know…pretty funny. Good kid.
Rooney: OLD MAN TANNER, tell me he was a bad kid.
Mr. Tanner: No, he was pretty good. Talked a lot.
Rooney: OLD MAN TANNER, tell me he got into trouble.
Mr. Tanner: No…well…he did talk in class. Maybe he got in trouble, but not a bad kid.
Rooney: OLD MAN TANNER, tell me his brother made him pay.
Mr. Tanner: Well, no…his brother is a lot older than him. He was out of the house before Aaron started school. Same for his sisters. There is nearly a 10-year difference between Aaron and the next sibling.
Rooney: OLD MAN TANNER, tell me AARON WAS A MSITAKE!!!! TELL ME YOU DIDN’T WANT HIM.
Mr. Tanner: No, no…he was definitely planned.
Rooney: OLD MAN TANNER, tell me AARON WAS A MSITAKE!!!! TELL ME YOU DIDN’T WANT HIM. I KNOW IT!

Mr. Tanner: No, no…he was definitely planned. We wanted him.
Rooney: OLD MAN TANNER, oh please tell me he was a mistake. Tell me you didn’t want him…tell me, tell me he ruined your life.
Mr. Tanner: Hey, is that the food coming out
Rooney: OLD MAN TANNER, I’m sorry…I was rude. I mean…he was a mistake…right?
Mr. Tanner: Yes, Rooney…he was.

There you have it. I hope to add to my list this year. Too bad Old Man Tanner won’t be around!

Oops,
(Old Man Tanners son) Tanner